"I just think, at least for what I want to do and for the kind of music I want to make and the kind of shows that I want to play, the connection with the audience just trumps everything. It's the most important thing." AP

That was without question a pivotal point in my life, and unquestionably why this magazine that you are reading exists now. I had huge dreams as a child, but those were sacrificed, just as yours might have been, to many things - primarily fear.

But that is a long story, and not relevant right now. Right now, I offer you

An Intimate Interview With Amanda Palmer

by kSea flux

kSea: So, how the Hell have you been, darling?

AP: Everything is good. I've been running around like crazy, trying to get my record ready and all that goes with it.

kSea: Yeah, yeah. All the signing and all that stuff. I've been reading your blog, trying to find something to ask you because it's kind of weird when you almost know a person, and trying to find questions that might interest other people.

AP: Yeah, for sure.

kSea: That's what I've been going through. I'm like, 'Aahh, I don't know!' And I don't like interviewing in the first place, so – Here we go. It'll just be a direct conversation, so talk a lot. [laughs]

AP: Well, you know. Usually the more obscure and weird question, the more fun it is because even though I've only been doing press on this record for a month, I'm already really sick of answering, “So, what about the Dresden Dolls? What was it like working with them?”

kSea: Ahh, good. Okay, tell me what you want to talk about. What about the title of the recording?

AP: The title for the record started out as just a great joke in a reference. Then, the way a lot of things go, it started to take on a little life of its own. I started following it around where it wanted to take me. Despite what people might think with a record title like that, I don't consider myself very morbid. I'm definitely not death [untelligible] but I constantly work on the assumption that the more you think about death, the more you'll enjoy that. I don't mean ruminate about death and constantly think about when you're going to die, how you're going to die, “Holy shit, why am I here in the first place? We're all going to die. What the fuck is the point? I'm going to die.” [both laugh] That's a little bit [unintelligible]. I think it can be wonderfully invigorating to check in with your own mortality at least a couple times a day.

kSea: Yeah. And therefore, you enjoy life a little bit more.

AP: Absolutely.

kSea: Absorutery. Yeah, so what do you want to talk about? I don't want to ask the typical questions. I don't want to be just a normal interview[er]. What do you want? Just go off on anything. Relax, let it go. Practice flowing. Word association. Let's start with, ah, frogs.

AP: Frogs. Well, you know, I'm eating an avocado right now that's kind of frog-colored.

kSea: Alright, that's a start.

AP: Yeah, we could talk about San Francisco. A friend of mine just got a job at UC Berkeley. She's living out there and we were talking about the pro's and con's of San Francisco. I've never actually spent too much time there but I've certainly spent more time hanging out there than a lot of other cities, and I really, really like it. There's this certain quality about it that's completely unlike any other city.

kSea: True.

AP: It's hard to describe and it's hard to pin down. I really love it. She doesn't like it. I've just been finding that people in my life have tended to wind up either in San Francisco or New York. So, I've gravitated to either San Francisco or New York because that's where my clan folk all inevitably will end up.

kSea: Your clan folk?

AP: My clan folk.

kSea: I've noticed how – don't get me wrong, I love San Francisco – but it's almost jaded as far as how many amazing performers and how much stuff is going on here. I've talked to a couple of circuses recently from Canada and they're just so enthusiastic and just, going crazy about what they're doing, helping people and just so incredibly creative. In San Francisco, its' kind of different. There are a whole bunch of little different circuses. Same thing with the entire West Coast, where its just kind of like, “Okay, well, this is what we do,” and the audience, our peers who usually come to see the show, are like, “Okay, cool. That was nice.”

AP: Ack. Yeah. Yeah, it's really kind of a tough road of hope because in Boston, you know, you kind of have the opposite problem. You've got very, very little going on and a lot of community support for anyone who takes the time and effort to put together something at all. [both laugh] But then that can also feel really disheartening because it feels like as long as you're doing something, you're going to get props and the quality of work doesn't have to be fabulous in order to get attention. That can be disheartening, too.

kSea: Do you ever feel pressured when you perform in San Francisco or New York?

AP: Um, no, not really. Certainly not in San Francisco. In New York I occasionally feel pressure when I'm performing just because, you know, the [unintelligible] are coming out. The record label people are there. The publishers are there, and the publishers have brought journalists, and the journalists are there, and then all their hipsters boyfriends and girlfriends are there. There's always more outsiders peeking in and I feel like it's essential that they get a great show. Poetically, the audience in New York is always fantastic and over the top. That makes it all work. We need them.

kSea: In the shows I've seen of yours, you've always excelled. A lot of it, I think, has to do with the audience. You feed off of each other. The audience and you, working together to make this amazing energy that just fucking flies all over the place.

AP: Yeah, well, you know it's really fascinating, that relationship. It's even more apparent now that I'm solo because when I play with Brian, we can keep each other company and entertain each other. We can stir up energy with each other onstage if the audience is a little lackluster, but it's much harder to do solo because I don't have a partner in crime. I have to just create something from nothing.

kSea: It's just you and hundreds of people looking at you, expecting the next thing from Amanda Palmer.

AP: That's right. Right, but that also gives you the freedom to improvise a little bit more, so once you get something going with the audience, it's like a very, very close tennis volley [both laugh] where you're just like, “Bam, bam, bam, bam.” There's nothing in the way of getting very, very direct and very, very personal. That's sort of the pros and cons of being solo, or in a duo. On this last tour I was on in August, I noticed that the level of energy in the crowd was wildly different from city to city. I did five cities in the States and I think three cities in Europe. It was really a fucking trip to go from a city like LA to San Francisco where the audiences were just over the top – screaming, shouting, laughing, joking. The whole show felt like a carnival. Then, land in Toronto, riding on all that energy. Everyone is really excited to be there, but they're all silent. [both laugh] I sit down to play and I'm looking at them. They're all really excited and their eyes are open wide. They're smiling, but they're not making any noise. I sit there, going, “Where's my noise? I need that noise! Fuck! What am I going to do?” Audiences are like their own little organism, and with the solo show it feels like I'm so beholden to the mood of the crowd. The quiet shows definitely aren't bad, but they feel really different. I know that the crowd is just as into them, and when I sign after the shows, everyone is just as grateful and just as excited and having a fantastic time, but the quality of that 'fantastic time' is very different from their counterparts in city 'x' and 'y.'

kSea: That's interesting. Do you ever do anything different between city to city where you know that the audience is going to be different, to psyche yourself up a little bit more? Just say, “Okay, well, this is what it's going to be like. Maybe I should throw in something else, or throw a beer at the audience.” Anything like that?

AP: Ahm, not really. I mean, I'll read the crowd sometimes while I'm onstage. If I'm feeling like the night needs a little bit more energy, I'll switch up the set list on the fly and do things differently than the way I planned. Mostly, I'm new at this. I'm touring solo for the first time, so there's a different set of expectations. I think that's also part of what I was feeling. People are coming out to these solo shows. I've been playing solo shows in Boston and New York for years, and I'm just remembering, “Oh, these people in Toronto have never seen me solo.” They don't know what to expect. They don't know if they're supposed to be quiet. They don't have any frame of reference.

kSea: Right.

AP: I'm out there plowing a new field for the same audience, setting up the guy lines. This definitely doesn't have to be a piano recital. This is still a rock 'n' roll show.

kSea: No holding you in a silent reverence. Right on. What are some lessons you've learned, besides that, in doing the solo shows?

AP: The lessons that I learn when I'm on tour are just this constant continuation on similar themes from the Dresden Dolls. I think the lesson that I'm constantly learning, and that I try to always keep in mind because I think it's so antithetical to the way the music school would teach you to perform – it's a very un-academic way of approaching music– is that the reason that people bought the ticket, the reason that they're standing there ready to take in the show, I think, has way less to do with how well I play or how well I sing and has everything to do with how much we connect, how much I connect with that person standing, whether there's 100 of them or 10,000 of them.

kSea: Yeah, not how well you do but how much they take away from it.

AP: Yeah. The connection is that. It all comes down to – No matter what happens on stage and no matter what happens in the audience, do I feel like I am taking part in something really special, right now? That's always something for me to consider, because obviously there is a format and people want to hear me play songs from my record. There's this set of guidelines that you follow when you're playing a live rock show, but underneath that all and beyond it all, I don't really believe in that. I believe that that's this great construct that I've set up and that everyone has adhered to. We've all made this wonderful agreement that music is going to be the reason that we get together to be with each other. It's not about feeding my ego and it's not about just being able to hear this set of sonic bits, that you have been listening to in your car, onstage. No, you're actually coming to this place to have an experience with each other and with me. We're all getting together and making this agreement.

kSea: Making it intimate instead of just them watching you onstage. You're a part of them.

AP: That's always been really important to me and it’s why I spend a lot of time in the set connecting with the audience. I've seen some really great musicians get up onstage and play their set, to say a single word to the audience, say thank you, and walk off. And I felt really fucking ripped off.

kSea: Yeah. [both laugh]

AP: This is what you did last night, and the night before, and the night before, and you could give a shit about me, and that's not fair. I just think, at least for what I want to do and for the kind of music I want to make and the kind of shows that I want to play, the connection with the audience just trumps everything. It's the most important thing.

kSea: That's the way it's been with you, the Dresden Dolls, all the projects that you've worked with from the beginning. Such as when I was working with you, the Brigade and bringing the audience into the performance as much as possible. Immersing them, making them feel a part of it, not just a bystander watching a show.

AP: Yeah.

kSea: Do you find it harder when you're doing solo shows?

AP: Um, no, actually.

kSea: Good!

AP: I find it easier.

kSea: Really?!

AP: Well, it's harder in the sense that it seems a little more justifiable to have a bunch of artists running around like crazy when you're part of a band, because a band is like posse. It's like a gang. [kSea laughs] Everyone can belong to it. When it's 'Amanda Palmer' of Amanda Palmer's name and 'Amanda Palmer' on the poster, it seems a little weirder to put together an entire art party. I'm hoping to shift the paradigm so that doesn't feel weird. It's much easier to feel connected to the audience in another way, because Brian and I always had to deal with our own conflicts. Those conflicts would often get in the way of this overall conversation happening with the audience. If Brian and I weren't getting along on a certain night, we would be spending all of our energy just staying in tune with each other and that didn't leave a whole ton of energy left to do a whole lot of back and forth with the audience. That was just so clear to both of us. The best shows where the audience would have the best time and there would be this free flow of energy is when he and I were getting along great. Just shooting at shows where the conversation would feel really dull and everything would feel very guilted and blocked up is when he and I have been bickering all day long and there was enough issues and tension onstage that we were just trying to keep it together and not fall apart. That tension gave birth to some fantastic chemistry. Brian and I love playing together because, above and beyond, we have an incredible respect for each other as musicians. We always put the music first.

kSea: You have a phenomenal dynamic onstage.

AP: Yeah, absolutely. The price that you pay for that is that when it's great, it's really fucking great, and when it's not, it's really miserable.

kSea: Yeah. {damn. I'm eloquent...}

AP: That's just subtracted now, as a factor. It's no longer a factor. If I'm in a shitty mood or I've been having arguments with myself [kSea laughs] it's a lot easier to overcome and leave at the stage door.

kSea: You don't have a problem with the audience, you're just pissed off at yourself. So you leave yourself there, that part of you, and go on.

AP: Yeah, exactly.

kSea: What are some of your favorite anecdotes or memories from touring, either with the Dresden Dolls, but more particularly with what's going on with you right now. Or, not even touring – just walking down the street and being Amanda Palmer. I know that gives kind of a wide berth, but work with me, baby.

AP: I once learned a really wonderful lesson walking down the street in Cambridge, Massachusetts. It was summer time. I was probably 21. I was street performing. The weather was beautiful. I was happy. I had just finished a night of work and was probably on my way to get a beer and reflect, and I was walking down the street. It was Massachusetts Avenue, actually, in between Harvard Square and Central. I don't even remember where I was going. I was walking down the street, feeling psyched on life. I passed this incredibly beautiful guy, just drop-dead gorgeous. He was Brazilian, I think. I can't remember. He had these incredibly bright, sparkling eyes and great-looking face, this beautiful smile. We walked by each other and made eye contact and passed each other. At about ten feet later, we both turned around at the same time. [laughs, giggles]

kSea: Nice.

AP: It was just one of those things. We had obviously – We were both really excited by each other. There was that beautiful, magical moment. We walked back towards each other, and we just started passionately kissing.

kSea: Right on!

AP: It was one of those moments where it's like, “I've always wanted to do this! I'm so glad I'm doing it!” [giggles, laughs] The lesson that I have learned is coming up in a second.

kSea: Okay. Take your time.

AP: What I should have done is not said a fucking word, kissed him goodbye on the cheek, never listened to the sound of his voice, never revealed anything about myself, and I should have just kept walking. But instead like fucking idiot, I said, “Do you want to go get a beer?” He said yes, and we went into The Cellar, which is this great bar a block away, and then we just had a terrible time because we had nothing in common. We didn't really like each other. [kSea laughs] We just ruined our life's perfect moment, and we didn't even want to exchange phone numbers. It was like a complete fuckshow. I remember thinking, “Note to self: If you ever do that again, don't talk. Just keep walking.” [giggles] I haven't really done it quite that way, but if I could advise, should anyone be in that situation, just kiss the guy, shut up, turn around, keep walking.

kSea: And keep that memory.

AP: That's my story.

kSea: I like that! That's good. It kind of reminds me of one. I was sitting in a cafe in Berkeley – This was years ago – God, I don't know, probably about 20 years ago. I was eating a salad, and they had this big, big picture window in front. This woman walked by and she was beautiful. Not remarkably drop-dead gorgeous beautiful, but we made eye contact. She had this brilliant smile. I sat there with a fork almost up to my mouth, paused for a couple of minutes, or what seemed like a couple of minutes, and then threw the fork back in the bowl. I ran out the door looking for her. Unfortunately, she was gone. I ran up and down the street like a damn fool. “Where's that smile?” Maybe I was fortunate enough not to have to talk to her, and just have that memory.

kSea: Yes, yes. You have a lot to do, my dear. Thank you so fucking much for taking the time to talk with me - Are you still signing things?

AP: I am still signing things. I've got an entire press day tomorrow. Crazy times.

kSea: Alright, Amanda. Thanks for taking the time to talk with me!

AP: No problem.

kSea: You take care of yourself.

AP: Talk to you later, kSea!