New Years Eve. The minutes creep forward as I continue to go over the new Big Top site, trying not to be blind to it, trying to notice what needs to change. What I can change.

Just a couple of days. Just a couple of days, and I’m terrified. This magazine has taken me on one hell of an adventure. A quiet one, mostly internal, where the highest of peaks and darkest of canyons were found inside – most always seeing the same walls outside.

Homeless, hungry, cold and usually alone. The entire site was built and maintained in an old, non-running bread truck parked in my friends driveway. Some might think those impossible conditions, but I had no choice- I needed to do this, to keep it going, to prove to myself that I could. All of the sudden it wasn’t just something that I wanted to do. It wasn’t something that could ever go away…

Admittedly, it’s been one hell of an emotional challenge, going from one day thrilled about the possibilities to the next everything inside of me screaming to press one small group of buttons in order and say goodbye to it forever.

One thing prevented me from doing that.

I think that this could possibly be the most important thing I have ever done. This is my child, and though I want to kill it sometimes, I would sacrifice everything for it. I think, in all humility, that there is a possibility that it just might change something or someone, somewhere.

New Years Eve. Working on the new Big Top site, doing what I can.

This year is going to fucking rock.